So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
