A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
