I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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