Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
