What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
