this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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