I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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