Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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