I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
