I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
