During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
