worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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