is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
