Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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