in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
