She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
