Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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