i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize