Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
