I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
