I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize