My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
