I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
