we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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