I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
