Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
