I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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