why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
