what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
