I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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