Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
