That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
