Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
