This house was built for laser tag.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
