When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
4 words: hood of his car
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize