And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
