How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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