Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
