I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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