You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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