is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
