Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just had sex on a roof
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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