just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
