my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
