i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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