That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
