I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize