I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
