Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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