Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
