You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
