can we get nightvision for the apartment?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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