So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
