we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
