She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
