He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
