Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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