well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
