No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
