i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
