Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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