oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
