some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
