there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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