You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
