Swine flu. Run for my life!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
