I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish i was in the wii world.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
