who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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