She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
