Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dear god my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
