we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
