do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
