We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
farters have to be the big spoon...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
