I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
