you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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