you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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