I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
