kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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