I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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